The Obligatory New Year New Me Bullshit

Don't start.

One of the nice things about being a blogger, even an intermittent one like myself, is that it provides a looking glass into the past, where I can easily see where I was at various points in my life.  So here, on the first day of 2014, I'm looking back at the bitch of a year that was 2013.

This time last year I about to begin my second swing at The Ultimate Reset, a 21 day detox.  It includes recipes and supplements, starting out just clean eating and slowly transitioning into a vegan diet.

The good news is that, as I sit here today, I weigh five pounds less than I did 365 days ago.  The bad news is that I have lost and regained 20 lbs in that time.

Could have had something to do with this....yathink?

Looking back at my posts about the experience (and ridiculous amount of WORK) that is The Ultimate Reset, I remember the headaches, the cold, the endless trips to the bathroom, and missing my coffee and diet coke.  I do not miss drinking the green and brown goop, the high grocery bills, the scavenger hunt that was grocery shopping for exotic ingredients I would use ONCE, the complicated recipes or running the dishwasher every day, sometimes twice.  I do miss the feeling of accomplishment that came from setting goals and sticking with the plan, and the feeling of, I guess I'd call it "lightness" that comes with eating vegan.  So....with some fanfare....I dub this, the first month of 2014......

Dum dum DUMMMMMMM....

VEGAN JANUARY.

Hmmmm...should I rethink this?

Already I'm loving the difference between just eating vegan and being on The Reset.  After doing The Reset twice, I know which items are hard to find and which aren't (or just aren't worth it).  And I know which recipes I liked and which I didn't.  So I planned my first four days (Wednesday through Saturday) of menus based loosely on The Reset, just picking out the easier recipes and the ones I liked.  And I'm making double and having leftovers, something The Reset rarely did.  This should cut WAY BACK on shopping and cooking.

Also, I'm not cutting out coffee.

You're can take away my meat, eggs, and yogurt.  You can take away sour cream and replace milk and creamer with soy and almond substitutes.  You can take away my processed and prepared foods.  But coffee and, to a lesser extent, Diet Coke, are non-negotiable.

Another difference between previous times I've done The Ultimate Reset and this time just eating vegan, is that this time I can share recipes with you.  Lots of people asked me for the Reset recipes, but they're proprietary and copyrighted and all that legal mumbo-jumbo.  So, while some of my recipes may be INSPIRED by The Ultimate Reset (I do owe Beachbody a world of gratitude to introducing me to how good I feel when I eat vegan), this is not The Reset.  I still have several coach friends and would be happy to put you in touch with one if you want to go all-out and do 21 days of hardcore detox.

Today's Lunch....Big-Ass Salad with Yummy Garlic Dressing.

This is a metric crapton of work (the chopping and slicing and dicing and grating and HOMEMADE dressing for crying out loud) but it is SOOOO good that I made three of them today, and enough dressing for a bunch more.  Making food ahead and having leftovers is going to be the only way I can pull this off, so I'm preparing in bulk right out of the gate.

The salad itself is nothing too special, but the ingredients somehow come together into something awesome.

First, I start with this artisan lettuce.

No, it's not organic.  But it's good and it's cheap.  I LOVE this lettuce.  It seems to last longer than the bagged stuff and it's not that expensive.  However, I only got three salads out of the package.  Next week I'll need to buy two or three packages.

Wash it up really good in the salad spinner, I put 1/3 in a bowl for lunch, the other two thirds in Rubbermaid for salads for tomorrow and the day after.

To each salad I add shredded carrot, chopped cucumber, chopped bell pepper, sprouts, chopped tomato, chopped jicama, pine nuts and cashews.

But it's the dressing that makes it truly special.

In the blender combine:
1 cup olive oil
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1 tsp yellow mustard
8 cloves of garlic
2 tsp pink himalayan salt
A handfull of fresh parsley
2 tbsp agave nectar
6 tbsp lemon juice

Turn that sucker on and blend the bejeezus out of it.  Store in a bottle in the fridge.  Makes about 15 1-oz servings.

Don't forget to share carrots with the doggies.

 The pug does not share.  MY carrot!!!!

 I forgot what a mess eating healthy makes,

 The end result...a big bowl of YUM.

I have a spaghetti squash in the oven for dinner, and tomorrow's lunch.  The dishwasher is running for the second time today.  All is right with the world.

Happy New Year my friends!

Edit....I lasted a week.  Don't judge.

Semantics and One Little Pill a Day

Today was as close to a day of total freedom as a responsible adult can get.

I had my alarm set for 9.  What was I thinking?  At 9 I reset it to 10. And at 10 I hit snooze three times.  And each time the music woke me, I justified remaining in bed with "I don't have anywhere to be".  That's awful close to "I have no reason to get out of bed". Sometimes semantics is the only thing separating carefree relaxation from major depressive disorder.

Well...semantics and one little pill a day.

When I finally dragged my butt out of bed and put clothes on my fat ass (don't ask about my diet of late, mnkay?  It's Christmas.), I risked life and limb to drive across the frozen Ohio tundra to take the dog to get his hair cut.  That's the responsible adult portion of our program.  Boo needed a haircut. And a bath.  Bad.

While Boobear got his beauty treatment I slipped and slid over to The Farm, the location of the dog rescue where I volunteer.  I walked dogs and threw tennis balls and petted and played with these sweet, trusting souls who deserve so much better than they have so far received out of life.  I consider myself lucky to be able to do this for an hour or two more weekends than not. The sense of purpose this work brings is sometimes all that keeps me going from 5pm Friday 'till 8:30am Monday.

As I was about to leave The Farm, not because I had anywhere to go but just because I was done, I got a call from Boss Lady, the rescue's founder, asking if I could stick around and introduce one of the dogs to a lady she was sending over.  Sure! No problem! Anything to feel useful for a few more minutes.

As I waited in my car for the lady to make her way to The Farm, I watched the snow fall.  If Norman Rockwell had been asked to do a painting called "Farm in Winter" this would have been it.  A tidy farmhouse with a wrap-around porch, a big red barn where horses live.  Cute little red...I don't know...chicken coops?  What am I, a farmer?  Spit rail fencing.  Big old trees.  The family's dogs came out to visit me for a bit.  Boss Lady's dad, with his long, white beard, made an appearance wearing a Santa hat.  I shit you not.  Even in my head I couldn't paint such a perfect picture.

The lady came, she and her prospective adoptive dog hit it off very nicely.  I reported back to Boss Lady and left The Farm just in time to pick Boo up at the groomers.  He is so adorable now, fluffy and clean with no more hair hanging in his eyes.

When I got home The Boy and his girlfriend were here.  I can easily go a week without seeing The Boy, even though we live in the same house, so this was a nice surprise.  I miss his face.  But soon enough he informed me "Mom, you smell like dog".  He's a real poet that one.  So I wandered off to shower and they left.

I was supposed to have a date tonight.  He flaked on me.  Why do guys do that?  "I'll call you tomorrow and we'll firm things up".  Yeah...sure you will.  Why ask me out in the first place if you're not going to follow through?  Is it just an ego thing?  Are you just trying to see if you CAN get the date even though you don't actually want to go on it?

Boys are stupid, regardless of age.

I'm pretty good at lying to myself but given that I turned my car sideways on my way home from my travels this afternoon I don't think I'm bullshitting myself when I say I was better off at home tonight, snuggling with a pint of cappuccino gelato.  The date was going to be 20 miles away and the snow has continued to fall.

I just let the dogs out for their last potty and yard patrol of the night.  It's one of those windless winter nights that make me think, just for a split second, that I've gone deaf when I stick my head out to call them in.  It's so still it almost feels like outside is actually a vast indoor room, like I could talk to my neighbors without raising my voice.  And without the wind I could stand on the deck in my socks and pajamas and watch my dogs romp through the first real snow of the year.

So today I did only what I wanted to do. I played with dogs and I got to see The Boy and I got to live in a winter wonderland.  It was a beautiful day.

And now, even though I've only been up for 12 1/2 hours, I could go to bed if I wanted. Instead, I will go read in bed, not having to worry about keeping anyone awake.  Living the dream, right?

I think I'm going to need a bigger pill.

Thankful

As I waited impatiently for my coffee, I heard "How's your day going, Ma'am?".  I snapped out of my daze and just laughed.  It was all I could do.

I know when someone asks that question they expect, and usually WANT to hear something as deep as "Good, you?".  But I just couldn't say it.  And as much as I hate to be Debbie Downer, when I got done chuckling, I answered his question.

"I've had better days", I said.   "I just got so aggravated with work that I had to get up and walk away.  So I'm here.  I have to go back, but it's nice to be out of there for a few minutes"

As he handed me my coffee, this young man said to me "Well for what it's worth, if nobody has told you today that they love you, I LOVE YOU.  From one human being to another.  I love you"

I said "Thank you.  I love you too".  And I smiled.  Given how my day was going up until that moment, just the smile was miracle enough.

I've thought about that encounter several times in the past couple of days.  Not only the sweetness of that young man, but also the fact that I DO have someone who says "I love you" to me every single day.

Each morning I open the basement door and yell down the steps to make sure The Boy is awake.

"Alex?......Alex????"

"Yeah"

"I'm leaving.  You up?"

"Yeah"

"Ok...love you"

"Ok...I love you too"

Every.  Single.  Day.

It won't be long until the only reason I'll have to open the basement door is to grab the extra bag of dog food, visit the dreadmill or peek down there with one wary eye to make sure the sump pump is keeping up with the rain.  If I want to hear his voice I'll have to pick up the phone, and I know it won't be appreciated if I do it every single morning.  So for today, I'm counting my blessings.  I am very lucky.  And I am....

Quinoa Chicken Stirfry

I know I promised you guys a potato soup recipe, but honestly it didn't turn out so great.  I need to tweak it before I'll want to put it up here.

But today I made some really good stuff.  I had a hideous day at work, and at one point I got so ticked off because a project wasn't going as I needed it to that I knew I was faced with three choices.  Throw something, start crying or walk away.  So I walked away.

Now before you go thinking I made the right choice, know that I walked straight across the street to Starbucks, where I got a skinny iced mocha and a peanut butter cup cookie.  Because the skinny cancels out the cookie right?

As it turns out, no.  Not right. Go figure.

So four hours later, at 7pm, when I was finally on my way home from work, I found myself wondering what I could make for dinner that would be quick and low calorie, but would be satisfying enough to hopefully keep me from entering "fuck it" mode and eating everything in sight.

Because eating everything in sight because you've blown your diet for the day is like running your cell phone over with your car because you dropped it.

Or some such shit.

Now if you know me, you know I'm not much of a cook.  And when I do cook I'm really not one for flying by the seat of my pants.  I run my kitchen like I run the rest of my life.  By the book. That way when it all goes kaflooey I can say "Well I just did what the book said".  See how that works? So I prefer if my food comes in a box that says how long to microwave it, but barring that I need a very specific recipe, with instructions that could be understood by a three year old.

So I can't really say what came over me that resulted in me throwing the following ingredients together.  Maybe the caffeine, sugar and artificial sweeteners in my afternoon snack messed with my head.  If so, I should thank the Barista, because it turned out pretty darn good.

Here's what you need:

3 cups Birds Eye Pepper Stir-Fry
3 oz Tyson Grilled & Ready Chicken Breast Chunks
1/2 cup Cooked Red Quinoa
1/8 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp coriander
Splash of soy sauce
Olive Oil Spray

Spray a frying pan with olive oil, throw the vegetables and chicken in together and saute on medium heat.  By the time the veggies are cooked the chicken will be heated through.  When nearly done add the spices, soy sauce and quinoa.  Stir together just until quinoa is heated.

Serves one.  And you will not want to share.

The links are to the brands/varieties of what I had in the house.  The red quinoa is pretty but white would work just as well.

Everything in this recipe is pretty much a staple in my kitchen.  Whenever I make quinoa I make WAY more than I need so I'll have some in the fridge for later.  And the peppers and chicken are just handy to keep in the freezer.

The nutritionals look like this:

I'll definitely make this again. Though I'm not sure what to call it.  Quinoa Chicken Stirfry?  Boring but accurate.  And really it's a miracle I managed to pull a decent meal out of my...um...hat after the day I've had.  You can't expect a clever name too.

Chicken & Somethings

As I said the other day, I've been hoarding recipes on Pinterest and never making any of them. I feel great shame. But since I'm not generally the best cook and I'm usually way too hungry by the time I get home from work to actually, yaknow, harness fire to make food edible, I'm starting out with slow-cooker recipes.

I've shied away from many slow-cooker recipes in the past because, even on a normal workday, It's a good ten hours between when I head out the door and when I roll back in the garage.  Most of the recipes call for far less time than that, even on low.  I've tried having it all ready and in the fridge, relying on The Boy to turn it on high when he gets home from school, but the damn kid went and grew up and got a job.  The ungrateful little.....

So I decided a trip to WalMart was in order.  Since I don't have any pajamas which I would consider ratty enough to wear there, I went straight from cleaning a dog kennel and playing with puppies, hoping a layer of dog hair, dirt and the slight aroma of dog poo would distract the natives from the fact that I was wearing a bra.

It worked.  I got out alive with this beauty:

This makes my third slow-cooker. I already have one this size and a smaller one, but neither of them is programmable.  This one not only has a timer but it also comes with a lid holder and free Spanish lessons.

 Olla De Coccion Lenta = Slow Cooker.  Thank you Farberware.

In case I'm ever in a foreign country and need to make sure they're aware how hot I am.

The user's manual is mostly in pictures and it wasn't until I actually got this thing installed that I figured out it's a lid holder.  Before that I thought maybe Farberware also made gynecological exam implements and there was an unfortunate mix-up at the factory.

Even Boo was a little scared.

Armed with my shiny new crock pot, I decided to make Chicken & Dumplings. I found a recipe on my go-to website for all things slow-cooker that won't make my ass grow, Skinny Ms

I did make a few changes, not always for the better, to Skinny Ms.' recipe, and it didn't come out exactly as I would have hoped, so I'm going to call this a whole new creation...let's call it

Chicken & Somethings.  

Here's what you need:

All this crap

Stew Ingredients:

    6 cups chicken broth.  Preferably low sodium & fat free but, yaknow, shit happens.
    3 boneless & skinless chicken breasts, cut into cubes
    1 medium onion peeled & diced
    2 cloves minced garlic
    7 oz baby carrots
    1 cup frozen green beans
    2 stalks celery, diced
    1/2 tsp black pepper
    Himilayan sea salt to taste (if you got the low-sodium broth, you'll make up for it here)
    2 bay leaves

Somethings Ingredients
    1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour (learn from my fail, get WHITE whole wheat flour)
    2 tsp baking powder
    1 egg
    2 tbsp coconut oil
    3/4 cup skim milk

Stew Instructions:  The original recipe basically said to just throw it all in the crock pot, stir to combine, cook on low 5 hours.  Sounds like just my speed but I read here that you should never just throw your meat into the pot raw, which is why I specifically bought a slow cooker with a removable, stove-safe pot for browning meat.  Unfortunately, as I unpacked the pot, I realized I needed to run it on high with a few cups of water before using it for the first time.  So while it burned off all of the toxic stuff I ended up dirtying a frying pan to brown the chicken.  But I should say that the chicken turned out DEEEE-LICIOUS.  So bonappetit.com knows their shit.

ANYway, after I browned the chicken lightly, just on the outside, still raw in the middle, THEN I put all of the "stew" ingredients together in the crock pot and put it on low for 5 hours.

Since it was a new crock pot and I have this irrational fear of electrical fires, I did this on a weekend when I could be home the whole time and oh my GOSH did it smell amazing!!!

After 5 hours, I turned the crock pot on high and brought the broth to a boil.  It took about a half hour to get to boiling.  While I was waiting, I mixed up the somethings.

Somethings Instructions
In a large mixing bowl, combine the dry ingredients.  Mix 'em up good, heat up your coconut oil just enough to make it liquid (or use canola oil if you have it in the house) and cut it into the dry stuff with a fork.  Add the milk and mix with a fork just until consistently moist.

Once your broth is boiling, drop your somethings mixture by teaspoon-size lumps on to the top of the broth.  They'll float.  Don't try to mix it up or push it down. It pretty much took up the whole top layer of the crock pot, which I think was fine. It looked sort of like a biscuit crust.  Cook it on high for another hour, THEN mix it up to break up the dumplings right before serving.

It was apparently supposed to look something like this.

Aint it Purty?

But yeah, um...no. 

Not sure exactly what it is.....

.....but there's a crapton of it.

The flavor is VERY good.  But the "dumplings" were the consistency of your average, everyday wheat bread soaked in broth.  Not hideous, but not "dumpling-like".

Now it did call for white whole wheat flour, but I can't imagine that would make much difference in anything but the color.  The original recipe didn't call for egg but there were many comments on the website about the dumplings falling apart so they suggested adding egg.  But still....I think if I do this again I'll call it soup and leave out the somethings.  If I want dumplings I'll use my mom's dumpling recipe and just deal with it being higher calorie.

As-is, the nutritionals look like this:

This is WAY higher than the Skinny Ms nutritionals, I think because their version calls for something called "Chicken Breast Fillets".  I don't know what that is, but I'm guessing it's a fraction of the chicken I used.  And the plentiful, big chunks of chicken are not something I'd want to give up.

If I made it just as a soup it would only be about 175 calories per serving, but I would probably add noodles or maybe quinoa.  If I do that, bet your booty I'll post the recipe.  

Today's lunch...I'll probably pull one of these or maybe a serving of Vegetarian Slow Cooker Chili out of the freezer.  Either way it's good, filling stuff on a cool fall day. 

Next time: Slow Cooker Cream of Potato Soup

Vegetarian Slow Cooker Chili

I realized the other day that I had 178 recipes pinned to my Recipes board on Pinterest.  Of these 178 I had made approximately none.  Ok maybe three...ish.  But why am I hoarding recipes if I'm not going to make them?

So since I'm out of the cast and into the annoying-ass boot (which, by comparison, is awesome, but still may befall a fate which will render it accidentally and unavoidably...um...burned) I've decided I need to start cooking again.

So I started out slow and easy, with an easy slow cooker recipe.

I saw a post on Skinny Ms.' Skinny Slow Cooker Facebook page showing a delicious looking Chicken & Dumplings recipe which, like most slow cooker recipes, called for a cooking time of 6-8 hours.  I commented that it looked great but it would be burned before I got home from work and two things happened:

The site admin posted a bunch of recipes which called for more like 8-10 hours.

I found out that they make slow cookers with timers just for this reason.  Who knew?

So last weekend I bought the ingredients for both that chicken & dumplings recipe and a chili recipe which had a significantly longer cooking time.   And I committed to cooking and writing about it.

And...here we are.

I made this chili recipe for last night's dinner, but instead of using ground turkey I used six Boca All American Flame Grilled Burgers, and I opted for the vegetable broth option, making the recipe vegetarian.  If not for the cheese in the Boca burger it might be vegan but, alas, no.

I cooked it a total of 10 1/2 hours and when I got home I was disappointed to find that it appeared to be burned.  But when I stirred it I found that it was fine.  A tinch on the dry side, but I only used 1 1/2 cups of vegetable broth and the recipe says to use 2 cups if you prefer a thinner chili.

Being the OCD numbers geek that I am, I ran the nutritionals and it comes in a bit higher calorie than Skinny Ms' version.  Next time I might cut back to four boca burgers, because it was super...umm..?  faux-meaty?  And maybe next time I'll use water.

The best thing about slow cooking, aside from good food, is coming home to a house that smells like Becky Homecky has been slaving away all day in your kitchen, and this definitely fit the bill for that.  Making some nice homemade (or even a Jiffy mix) cornbread would have enhanced the effect, but my Friday was just a big ol' dollop of cold gravy topping on a shit sandwich of a week, so I stopped at Giant Eagle and got some of their pre-made cornbread muffins.

Becky Homecky can kiss my ass.

So 10 minutes after I walked in the door I was on the couch with my feet up, wearing my jammies, with a nice a hot bowl of clean-eating, healthy, low-ish calorie, extremely tasty chili that includes no ingredients that ever had a face.

And to think some people go OUT on Friday night.

Served on my bejammied lap with cornbread mixed in, as God intended chili to be served.

It was so good I'm having it again tonight.  

Oh yeah, and today I bought a crock pot with a timer.  Because really who DOESN'T need three slow cookers?  

Chicken & dumplings here I come. 

You Say Obsession. I say....well, yeah..Obsession

First....I am in a MUCH MUCH MUCH better mood today than I was the last time I wrote. Because holy CRAP was that ever a gigantic bummer-y bummer or what?

Getting my stupid birthday behind me probably helped a bunch with my mood.  And my super duper awesome friends who have come and got me out of this depressing-ass house have brought enormous relief to my woe-is-me-ness.  And the fact that I have only nine days before my cast will (the doctor said MIGHT but trust me...it fucking WILL) come off and I will be able to get places without being a pain in the ass to all involved.  And finally because I have found a few more things to keep my brain busy.  But the thing is that when one is home-bound the majority of the time, it's really hard to walk away from something that is good and doesn't cost a bunch of money or make your ass wider (it's hard to walk way from the things that DO cost a bunch of money or make your ass wider, but let's not talk about that, mnkay?) so there are times when I realize holy crap I just watched six episodes in a row of The Good Wife, is that healthy? Is this an obsession?  Yes (obsession) and no (healthy)....but throwing myself down the basement steps isn't super healthy either and that might well have happened if I didn't find a way out of the funk I was in...so we make do.

So yeah, The Good Wife.  Holy crap why didn't anyone tell me how great this show is?  Ok yeah someone did but I don't like her so why would I listen?  Oh and if YOU told me about it, I don't mean you.  You're awesome.  Clearly I just don't pay attention.  Bygones.

John Green and, less specifically, Vlogbrothers (ok yes that link was from Brotherhood 2.0.  Don't be difficult.  It's the same guys).  These guys vlog several times a week....and they talk really fast.  I blog maybe once a month and it takes me FOR. FREAKING. EVER.  They, therefore, are brilliant.

Broscience.  Funny stuff.  And it's as close as I can come to going to the gym right now.

Firefly. Because it's awesome.  But it does it make me sad that something with such brilliant dialogue could be cancelled after only 14 episodes.  What's wrong with the world?  Sigh.

Not a NEW obsession but OH MY GOD YOU GUYS ALLIE BROSH IS BLOGGING AGAIN!!!  All is right in the world.  Maybe.  Almost.

Why are you still here?  I just pointed you to oodles and oodles of awesomeness!!!

Today's lunch:  Garden Lites Veggie Chili & Cornbread Melt.  Looks NOTHING like this...but tastes really good.