Sorry guys. I have to cease blogging for a bit. Elbows are KILLING me and typing is the main culprit.
When I start up again I'll put it on Facebook. If you're not on my Facebook page and you want me to let you know when I start up again, send me your email address.
But first... here's some brilliance from Allie Brosch:
Terrie
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
It's About Damn Time
Back in July my boss offered to get me in to a weight loss contest which was about to start among management within my company. I JUMPED at this opportunity since I had been feeling absolutely horrible about myself and downright desperate to find something that I hadn't previously tried during my many decades of weight struggles and yo-yo dieting.
The first weigh-in was on July 30th and by the November 26th weigh in I had lost 10 lbs. Not stunning progress, but progress nonetheless. I was working out 3 or 4 times a week at the Y and I was counting calories on FatSecret.com.
The contest ended on November 30th and I finished 4th out of 13. Not bad. I didn't win anything but I didn't care. For the first time in a VERY long time I didn't feel completely hopeless and doomed to a life of ever-increasing obesity and health problems.
Then I had surgery, and I couldn't go to the gym for a month. The fact that this month was DECEMBER made the moderate damage that could be caused by laying around and recouperating turn into massive damage when combined with holiday eating.
I gained back 7 pounds and lost any semblence of momentum.
By Mid-January I had managed to take off some of the holiday/recouperation weight. When a new contest began on January 17th I weighed in only 1.6 lbs above where I ended the previous contest. It's been slow-going, but to date I've lost another 10.6 lbs, for a total of 20 pounds since I started in August.
Eight months to lose 20 lbs seems torturously slow. But I looked back (I've kept a detailed history of my weight since 2004) and it took me almost three years to put those 20 lbs on, I guess eight months isn't too bad to take it off.
Back when I was on Weight Watchers I used to cherish the ribbons and little gold adhesive stars they gave us. It was the stupidest thing, but it was something that I could bring home and show off and keep on the refrigerator as a reminder that what I was doing was hard, yet I was succeeding. I still have my ribbons and stars, packed up in a box somewhere. They represent eighty-six pounds lost over the course of two years. Fortunately for me the Weight Watcher's police don't come take your ribbons and stars away when you gain the weight back.
Since I don't have a ten pound ribbon adorned with ten little gold stars, I feel the need to do something to reward myself. The "diet experts" recommend this, but it's really, REALLY hard to think of anything that doesn't cost money or calories. At ten pounds I rewarded myself with a massage, purchased with my credit card's reward points, but I don't have anything like that now.
So I've decided to take a day off work and spend it doing nothing I don't want to do. I'm taking next Monday. After I drop The Boy off at school I'm going to go to the gym (something I actually WANT to do, bizarre as that feels to me) and then I'm going to do whatever I feel like doing until 5pm. I'm not going to clean, I'm not going to cook, I'm not going to do anything for anyone but me. Mneh.
Today's lunch...the typical homemade salad that I've posted pictures of so many times before.
But here's something kind of wierd. Last night I made two salads. One for dinner and then one for today's lunch. I had some light ranch dressing in the cupboard and since I had watched the calories well throughout the day and had a good workout I splurged and put a decent amount of it on my dinner salad. And it really wasn't good. I've been eating various vinaigrettes for so long that I think I've grown accustomed to the ....I guess the lightness of it. Ranch felt heavy and greasy. I didn't enjoy it at all. Today's salad had all the same ingredients except the ranch was replaced with Panera's Asian Sesame dressing and it was SOOOO much better.
That's progress if I've ever seen it!
The first weigh-in was on July 30th and by the November 26th weigh in I had lost 10 lbs. Not stunning progress, but progress nonetheless. I was working out 3 or 4 times a week at the Y and I was counting calories on FatSecret.com.
The contest ended on November 30th and I finished 4th out of 13. Not bad. I didn't win anything but I didn't care. For the first time in a VERY long time I didn't feel completely hopeless and doomed to a life of ever-increasing obesity and health problems.
Then I had surgery, and I couldn't go to the gym for a month. The fact that this month was DECEMBER made the moderate damage that could be caused by laying around and recouperating turn into massive damage when combined with holiday eating.
I gained back 7 pounds and lost any semblence of momentum.
By Mid-January I had managed to take off some of the holiday/recouperation weight. When a new contest began on January 17th I weighed in only 1.6 lbs above where I ended the previous contest. It's been slow-going, but to date I've lost another 10.6 lbs, for a total of 20 pounds since I started in August.
Eight months to lose 20 lbs seems torturously slow. But I looked back (I've kept a detailed history of my weight since 2004) and it took me almost three years to put those 20 lbs on, I guess eight months isn't too bad to take it off.
Back when I was on Weight Watchers I used to cherish the ribbons and little gold adhesive stars they gave us. It was the stupidest thing, but it was something that I could bring home and show off and keep on the refrigerator as a reminder that what I was doing was hard, yet I was succeeding. I still have my ribbons and stars, packed up in a box somewhere. They represent eighty-six pounds lost over the course of two years. Fortunately for me the Weight Watcher's police don't come take your ribbons and stars away when you gain the weight back.
Since I don't have a ten pound ribbon adorned with ten little gold stars, I feel the need to do something to reward myself. The "diet experts" recommend this, but it's really, REALLY hard to think of anything that doesn't cost money or calories. At ten pounds I rewarded myself with a massage, purchased with my credit card's reward points, but I don't have anything like that now.
So I've decided to take a day off work and spend it doing nothing I don't want to do. I'm taking next Monday. After I drop The Boy off at school I'm going to go to the gym (something I actually WANT to do, bizarre as that feels to me) and then I'm going to do whatever I feel like doing until 5pm. I'm not going to clean, I'm not going to cook, I'm not going to do anything for anyone but me. Mneh.
Today's lunch...the typical homemade salad that I've posted pictures of so many times before.
But here's something kind of wierd. Last night I made two salads. One for dinner and then one for today's lunch. I had some light ranch dressing in the cupboard and since I had watched the calories well throughout the day and had a good workout I splurged and put a decent amount of it on my dinner salad. And it really wasn't good. I've been eating various vinaigrettes for so long that I think I've grown accustomed to the ....I guess the lightness of it. Ranch felt heavy and greasy. I didn't enjoy it at all. Today's salad had all the same ingredients except the ranch was replaced with Panera's Asian Sesame dressing and it was SOOOO much better.
That's progress if I've ever seen it!
Monday, April 11, 2011
A half gallon of milk, two bottles of iced tea, three Amy's entrees, a four pack of yogurt, a pair of socks, four full pill organizers and a nylon tote soaked with rain water
Day three on the supplements and you guys I feel GREAT! Admittedly I am prone to fairly intense mood swings that sometimes even go in the good direction, so I'm not ready to totally say the vitamins are 100% behind it, but mentally and physically I feel really good...well, except for this excruciating pain in my elbows.
Yeah, it hasn't escaped me that I'm taking all of these pills primarily to eliminate the pain in my elbows, but there is much healing that needs to be done inside these little joints and it's not even remotely reasonable to expect relief yet on that front.
Saturday, which was day one, I had a rediculous amount of energy. I didn't make it to the gym but still managed to burn 3200 calories. A day that includes a trip to the gym typically runs between 2800 and 3000, so I was pretty impressed. I did a bunch of cleaning and running around and seemed to be tireless.
Sunday, day two, my energy waned a bit. I was sound asleep by 9:30, but it may have been backlash from the nearly manic energy of the day before. Or it may have been due to having a wee bit too much wine on Saturday night.
That or it's all a crap shoot.
So I got on the scale this morning and I'm down 2 pounds from last Monday. I found myself, however, stifling any self-directed attagirls because 1) I gained 1.8 lbs the previous week and 2) it has taken me EIGHT FREAKING MONTHS to lose 19 lbs.
BUT...I stopped at the grocery store on my way in to pick up lunches and milk and such to keep at work. It was pouring rain when I got to the office so I crammed everything into my tote bag so that I could carry it in one hand. Purse, keys and umbrella in the other.
Well the bag of stuff I bought felt like it was going to rip my forearm out of my elbow socket. Obviously this feeling was increased by the tendonitis, but I got to wondering how much it weighed.
So when I got in to my office, before anyone else arrived to witness this obvious symptom of mental illness, I weighed my groceries.
And this heavy-ass bag I was struggling with weighed only a bit over 11 pounds! How did I manage to haul my big carcas around on a daily basis when it was 19 pounds heavier??!!
Basically I've lost almost double the equivalent of a half gallon of milk, two bottles of iced tea, three Amy's entrees, a four pack of yogurt, a pair of socks, four full pill organizers and a nylon tote soakd with rain water. Maybe that's what I should start telling people.
"Are you losing weight?"
"Yes...as a matter of fact I've lost a half gallon of milk, two bottles of iced tea, three Amy's entrees, a four pack of yogurt, a pair of socks, four full pill organizers and a nylon tote soaked with rain water...times two....thanks for noticing"
That is assuming anyone will ever be able to tell by looking at me that I've lost weight. Yeah, one of these days.
Today's lunch. Trader Joe's Reduced Guilt Mac & Cheese. This stuff doesn't even warrant a picture. It should be called Reduced Flavor Mac & Cheese or Reduced Mac & Cheese Mac & Cheese. Much smaller and not nearly as tasty as this.
Lesson learned.
Yeah, it hasn't escaped me that I'm taking all of these pills primarily to eliminate the pain in my elbows, but there is much healing that needs to be done inside these little joints and it's not even remotely reasonable to expect relief yet on that front.
Saturday, which was day one, I had a rediculous amount of energy. I didn't make it to the gym but still managed to burn 3200 calories. A day that includes a trip to the gym typically runs between 2800 and 3000, so I was pretty impressed. I did a bunch of cleaning and running around and seemed to be tireless.
Sunday, day two, my energy waned a bit. I was sound asleep by 9:30, but it may have been backlash from the nearly manic energy of the day before. Or it may have been due to having a wee bit too much wine on Saturday night.
That or it's all a crap shoot.
So I got on the scale this morning and I'm down 2 pounds from last Monday. I found myself, however, stifling any self-directed attagirls because 1) I gained 1.8 lbs the previous week and 2) it has taken me EIGHT FREAKING MONTHS to lose 19 lbs.
BUT...I stopped at the grocery store on my way in to pick up lunches and milk and such to keep at work. It was pouring rain when I got to the office so I crammed everything into my tote bag so that I could carry it in one hand. Purse, keys and umbrella in the other.
Well the bag of stuff I bought felt like it was going to rip my forearm out of my elbow socket. Obviously this feeling was increased by the tendonitis, but I got to wondering how much it weighed.
So when I got in to my office, before anyone else arrived to witness this obvious symptom of mental illness, I weighed my groceries.
Basically I've lost almost double the equivalent of a half gallon of milk, two bottles of iced tea, three Amy's entrees, a four pack of yogurt, a pair of socks, four full pill organizers and a nylon tote soakd with rain water. Maybe that's what I should start telling people.
"Are you losing weight?"
"Yes...as a matter of fact I've lost a half gallon of milk, two bottles of iced tea, three Amy's entrees, a four pack of yogurt, a pair of socks, four full pill organizers and a nylon tote soaked with rain water...times two....thanks for noticing"
That is assuming anyone will ever be able to tell by looking at me that I've lost weight. Yeah, one of these days.
Today's lunch. Trader Joe's Reduced Guilt Mac & Cheese. This stuff doesn't even warrant a picture. It should be called Reduced Flavor Mac & Cheese or Reduced Mac & Cheese Mac & Cheese. Much smaller and not nearly as tasty as this.
Lesson learned.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Crazy Vitamin Lady
Day one of vitamin therapy.
I was up until almost midnight last night, surrounded by bottles old and new, in front of the computer, working on a spreadsheet that calculates and scheduleswat to take when and how much based on the book's recommendation. I discovered that I miscalculated two dosages and will still need to buy two more types of supplement. Just with on what I have I'll be taking 34 frickin' pills a day, and all but 3 of them are specifically for the elbows.
Breakfast's pills left me feeling initially bloated, admittedly because I took them after a good sized breakfast, but that's how it has to be. After my eggs, toast and a small portion of The Man's amazaing fried potatoes I washed my NINE pills down with coffee. After the bloated feeling passed I felt oddly...clear. Not mentally (ah if only there were any number of pills that could accomplish THAT!) but my sinuses felt clear. This is a welcome feeling considering that I was up most of the night coughing due to whatever this sinus thing is that I'm working through. I'm not sure if this is the result of whatever I have running it's course or from the supplements. We'll see.
Oh and I was crazy thirsty. Probably a good thing. More water is always good.
There are several of these supplements that need to be taken on an empty stomach, so those are assigned to
mid-morning, mid-afternoon and bedtime. The 'with food' pills are with breakfast, lunch and dinner. And the ones that don't matter are assigned wherever they will fit within my carefully constructed schedule.
After breakfast I set the alarm on my phone for two hours later to take the mid-morning, empty stomach batch of pills.
The Boy and I took off to drop the dogs off at the groomers and pick up some old-lady pill containers. It took me no less than 15 minutes to dig out and take my 'with breakfast' pills, so organization is definitely key. On the way home I stopped and picked up an iced mocha and was finishing it when the alarm went off. Oops...so much for the empty stomach thing.
I took my five mid-morning pills and proceeded to try to organize this circuis. Here's what I ended up with:
One pill container each for breakfast, mid-morning, lunch, mid-afternoon, dinner and bedtime.
Theoretically I could have had lunch an hour later, but during all of the organizing and subsequent cleaning of the kitchen I forgot until TWO hours later. Probably a result of the iced mocha and all of those capsules in my tummy. So I just ate a PB & J and took the six lunch pills, and set my alarm for two hours from now to remind me to take my four afternoon pills.
I feel like a cancer patient.
This will be easier during the week since my meals are more scheduled. However, my between meal snacks will have to end. Apparently nobody notified the supplement industry that we're supposed to eat frequent, small meals.
Surrounded by all of these bottles and containers, I feel like the crazy pill lady. I cleaned out an entire cupboard to make room for all of the bottles and weekly containers. But if it helps, it will all be worth it.
Today's lunch: Peanut butter and apple jelly on whole wheat. I forgot to take a damn picture.
I was up until almost midnight last night, surrounded by bottles old and new, in front of the computer, working on a spreadsheet that calculates and scheduleswat to take when and how much based on the book's recommendation. I discovered that I miscalculated two dosages and will still need to buy two more types of supplement. Just with on what I have I'll be taking 34 frickin' pills a day, and all but 3 of them are specifically for the elbows.
Breakfast's pills left me feeling initially bloated, admittedly because I took them after a good sized breakfast, but that's how it has to be. After my eggs, toast and a small portion of The Man's amazaing fried potatoes I washed my NINE pills down with coffee. After the bloated feeling passed I felt oddly...clear. Not mentally (ah if only there were any number of pills that could accomplish THAT!) but my sinuses felt clear. This is a welcome feeling considering that I was up most of the night coughing due to whatever this sinus thing is that I'm working through. I'm not sure if this is the result of whatever I have running it's course or from the supplements. We'll see.
Oh and I was crazy thirsty. Probably a good thing. More water is always good.
There are several of these supplements that need to be taken on an empty stomach, so those are assigned to
mid-morning, mid-afternoon and bedtime. The 'with food' pills are with breakfast, lunch and dinner. And the ones that don't matter are assigned wherever they will fit within my carefully constructed schedule.
After breakfast I set the alarm on my phone for two hours later to take the mid-morning, empty stomach batch of pills.
The Boy and I took off to drop the dogs off at the groomers and pick up some old-lady pill containers. It took me no less than 15 minutes to dig out and take my 'with breakfast' pills, so organization is definitely key. On the way home I stopped and picked up an iced mocha and was finishing it when the alarm went off. Oops...so much for the empty stomach thing.
I took my five mid-morning pills and proceeded to try to organize this circuis. Here's what I ended up with:
One pill container each for breakfast, mid-morning, lunch, mid-afternoon, dinner and bedtime.
Theoretically I could have had lunch an hour later, but during all of the organizing and subsequent cleaning of the kitchen I forgot until TWO hours later. Probably a result of the iced mocha and all of those capsules in my tummy. So I just ate a PB & J and took the six lunch pills, and set my alarm for two hours from now to remind me to take my four afternoon pills.
I feel like a cancer patient.
This will be easier during the week since my meals are more scheduled. However, my between meal snacks will have to end. Apparently nobody notified the supplement industry that we're supposed to eat frequent, small meals.
Surrounded by all of these bottles and containers, I feel like the crazy pill lady. I cleaned out an entire cupboard to make room for all of the bottles and weekly containers. But if it helps, it will all be worth it.
Today's lunch: Peanut butter and apple jelly on whole wheat. I forgot to take a damn picture.
Friday, April 8, 2011
You may want to explore more entertaining delusions.
I'd like to say I'm back and my elbows are all better and I'm ready to write up a storm but nah...not so much. I mean I'm obviously somewhat back...you're not imagining this. And if you are, you may want to explore more entertaining delusions. Go work on that. You know who you are. Wait...no, you probably don't.
But my vitamins will be delivered today. God Bless Drugstore.com. I seriously heart them. I hit some awesome sales (like $75.00 total savings on the lot) and delivery is free. It took me like 2 hours to pick out all this stuff and do all the math to figure out what will get me in the recommended ranges. That would have SUCKED trying to do it in the store.
So I'm going to start taking the whole mess tomorrow. I'm going to just dive in with all 10 pills. What the hell. If I have any adverse effects I'll stop and start over one pill at a time, but I really just want to get this pain gone and it's worth the risk.
What made me want to write today though is this stuff:
If you can't read it, it's Trader Joe's Quinoa Duo with Vegetable Melange. And it's frickin' AWESOME! This is totally going to be a lunchtime regular for me.
Ooh ooh ooh! Look what just showed up!
But my vitamins will be delivered today. God Bless Drugstore.com. I seriously heart them. I hit some awesome sales (like $75.00 total savings on the lot) and delivery is free. It took me like 2 hours to pick out all this stuff and do all the math to figure out what will get me in the recommended ranges. That would have SUCKED trying to do it in the store.
So I'm going to start taking the whole mess tomorrow. I'm going to just dive in with all 10 pills. What the hell. If I have any adverse effects I'll stop and start over one pill at a time, but I really just want to get this pain gone and it's worth the risk.
What made me want to write today though is this stuff:
If you can't read it, it's Trader Joe's Quinoa Duo with Vegetable Melange. And it's frickin' AWESOME! This is totally going to be a lunchtime regular for me.
Ooh ooh ooh! Look what just showed up!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
You guys I screwed up. I forgot to refill my anti-inflammatory prescription for my elbows, then when I ordered the refill I forgot to pick it up, then the pharmacy was closed and the bottom line is that I went three days without my meds and even now, four days back on it, my elbows are screaming and I think I'm also developing tendonitis in my shoulders. I've seriously considered calling off work every day so far this week. Sleeping is even difficult and typing makes it all worse, so this will be short.
I did some research and I've ordered TEN supplements which, when combined, will bring me within the recommended ranges for treatment of bursitis & tendonitis in the book Prescription for Nutritional Healing. I'm hoping they'll be here by the end of the week. I sure hope this works because this is seriously no way to live.
I'm also researching cleanses & fasting. In the past month, while trying to learn about nutrition and natural healing, I've come across three separate texts that recommend fasting and cleansing not only for detox and weight loss but also as a healing tool. The most appealing of the types I've come across is a juice cleanse, but I don't have a juicer and I'm concerned about the acid reflux since I'm supposed to avoid citrus. There's also a vegetable broth fast but it sounds tougher just because it can't be that tasty. I'm still trying to figure that part out but I'll keep you posted.
So that's where I stand. I miss writing, and I'm definitely not laying down and accepting the idea that I may have to give it up (along with bowling and weight training). But typing is the #1 irritant and since I have to do that for my job, I may not be able to blog for a while.
I did some research and I've ordered TEN supplements which, when combined, will bring me within the recommended ranges for treatment of bursitis & tendonitis in the book Prescription for Nutritional Healing. I'm hoping they'll be here by the end of the week. I sure hope this works because this is seriously no way to live.
I'm also researching cleanses & fasting. In the past month, while trying to learn about nutrition and natural healing, I've come across three separate texts that recommend fasting and cleansing not only for detox and weight loss but also as a healing tool. The most appealing of the types I've come across is a juice cleanse, but I don't have a juicer and I'm concerned about the acid reflux since I'm supposed to avoid citrus. There's also a vegetable broth fast but it sounds tougher just because it can't be that tasty. I'm still trying to figure that part out but I'll keep you posted.
So that's where I stand. I miss writing, and I'm definitely not laying down and accepting the idea that I may have to give it up (along with bowling and weight training). But typing is the #1 irritant and since I have to do that for my job, I may not be able to blog for a while.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Yay me. I'm not dead.
Each time I go to the gym I do a half hour of weight training and a half hour of cardio. The weight training varies. I just pick up where I left off on the circuit last time and go for a half hour. But the cardio is always the same...my old friend the elliptical.
I LOVE the elliptical. I can get my heartrate up quickly, sweat a ton and read all at the same time. I can do it right next to a skinny young thing and for a half hour not feel inadequate because I can keep up with her. What's not to love?
First it gives me my choice of program. I choose the "Weight Loss" program, which consists of alternating intensities in four minite increments. It asks me for my weight. I press the "Up" key until it gets to the right number. This takes far longer than I would like. Then it asks me for my age. It's the same process with my age, but that doesn't take as long. I press "OK" and the digital readout says "Age/Weight Accepted"
Ah...if only I could be as kind to myself as this machine is to me.
I am quite accepting of my age. I've witnessed my friends go through major crises over turning 30, 35, 40, 45. None of these numbers phased me. I mean it's not like I didn't see them coming. And consider the alternatives:
My weight is an entirely different issue. I SO wish I could be one of those big, confident women who can look a man in the eye and say "MmmHmm honey, you can't handle the lovin' of a big, beautiful woman like me". Or something like that. I look at Queen Latifah, Cameron Manheim, Amber Riley, Oprah Winfrey, Jennifer Hudson before Weight Watchers, Kathy Bates, I don't see "fat chick"...I see confident, beautiful women.
When look at me I see Homer Simpson with hair.
I wonder if it has as much to do with attitude as it does Spanx and professional stylists (or lack thereof).
I'm the first to jump on my kids if they say something derogatory about fat people. The Boy is 16. His taste in girls goes toward tiny and thin. That's his perogative. It is NOT his perogative to be rude to ANY girl who likes him, even if she's overweight. And it is not acceptable to laugh at her behind her back.
The Girl is 12, and a huge Glee fan. She can't understand what Puck sees in Lauren. I just tell her that fat people have feelings too and wonder if she understands that when she asks me that kind of question I can't help but think she might wonder what her dad sees in me.
As quick as I am to defend my fellow overweight person, why am I equally quick to discount my own worth because of my weight? I am more offended by a person, or society in general, labeling a stranger unlovable or unwantable than I am by myself, or really anyone else, putting that same label on myself. I convince myself that I WILL SOMEDAY be worthy of love and kindness, that I will someday allow myself to buy nice clothes, that I will SOMEDAY be able to dance in public or speak my mind or any number of other attention-causing things, that I will some day stop hiding...all I have to do is lose 40 pounds.
What the hell?
So today when I go to the gym, when the elliptical tells me that my weight is accepted, I'm going to try to say to myself "Yep, now let's get healthy" rather than "Oh hell no it's not, now get to work".
Why can't we all get along....with ourselves?
Today's lunch - Salad. Boring but YUMMY.
I LOVE the elliptical. I can get my heartrate up quickly, sweat a ton and read all at the same time. I can do it right next to a skinny young thing and for a half hour not feel inadequate because I can keep up with her. What's not to love?
First it gives me my choice of program. I choose the "Weight Loss" program, which consists of alternating intensities in four minite increments. It asks me for my weight. I press the "Up" key until it gets to the right number. This takes far longer than I would like. Then it asks me for my age. It's the same process with my age, but that doesn't take as long. I press "OK" and the digital readout says "Age/Weight Accepted"
Ah...if only I could be as kind to myself as this machine is to me.
I am quite accepting of my age. I've witnessed my friends go through major crises over turning 30, 35, 40, 45. None of these numbers phased me. I mean it's not like I didn't see them coming. And consider the alternatives:
- I could pretend I'm not aging, but really who would that fool? Nobody who matters.
- I could stop aging (die). There are still books to read, steaks to eat and music to be heard so let's put that off, mmkay?
- I can own my age proudly as evidence that I've managed to make it out of childhood and through a couple of decades of adulthood without accidentally offing myself.
My weight is an entirely different issue. I SO wish I could be one of those big, confident women who can look a man in the eye and say "MmmHmm honey, you can't handle the lovin' of a big, beautiful woman like me". Or something like that. I look at Queen Latifah, Cameron Manheim, Amber Riley, Oprah Winfrey, Jennifer Hudson before Weight Watchers, Kathy Bates, I don't see "fat chick"...I see confident, beautiful women.
When look at me I see Homer Simpson with hair.
I wonder if it has as much to do with attitude as it does Spanx and professional stylists (or lack thereof).
I'm the first to jump on my kids if they say something derogatory about fat people. The Boy is 16. His taste in girls goes toward tiny and thin. That's his perogative. It is NOT his perogative to be rude to ANY girl who likes him, even if she's overweight. And it is not acceptable to laugh at her behind her back.
The Girl is 12, and a huge Glee fan. She can't understand what Puck sees in Lauren. I just tell her that fat people have feelings too and wonder if she understands that when she asks me that kind of question I can't help but think she might wonder what her dad sees in me.
As quick as I am to defend my fellow overweight person, why am I equally quick to discount my own worth because of my weight? I am more offended by a person, or society in general, labeling a stranger unlovable or unwantable than I am by myself, or really anyone else, putting that same label on myself. I convince myself that I WILL SOMEDAY be worthy of love and kindness, that I will someday allow myself to buy nice clothes, that I will SOMEDAY be able to dance in public or speak my mind or any number of other attention-causing things, that I will some day stop hiding...all I have to do is lose 40 pounds.
What the hell?
So today when I go to the gym, when the elliptical tells me that my weight is accepted, I'm going to try to say to myself "Yep, now let's get healthy" rather than "Oh hell no it's not, now get to work".
Why can't we all get along....with ourselves?
Today's lunch - Salad. Boring but YUMMY.
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