Today I worked a snowblower for the first time. The cold and the wind biting at my face, the smell of exhaust sticking to my hair and clothes. I am not a fan. But it needed to be done and The Boy was at a friend's for the night (probably the weekend if he gets his way) and being that I don't have the luxury of a four wheel drive vehicle that I had when last I was single, it needed to be done. And it was not lost on me that I could have been shoveling. Trust me, I was holding my breath and praying that the snowblower would start all the while cursing the fact that I need to use it.
My life now is very...utilitarian I suppose. During the week I get into a grinding routine of work (a lot), cook (as little as possible), exercise (more than most, less than I should), shower (shaving is optional), sleep (fitfully), repeat. On the weekend it's laundry and groceries and cleaning and maybe a rented DVD. Sometimes it's plowing snow, sometimes it's mowing grass, sometimes it's weeding, sometimes it's painting. So it's not all that surprising that when I put on makeup and 'girl clothes', when I flat-iron my hair..it all feels like a costume. I feel like I'm covering up who I really am. Honestly I feel like a lumberjack in drag.
But the lumberjack isn't who I WANT to be. I WANT TO BE the pretty girl with the long eyelashes and silky hair and nice clothes and cute shoes (GOD I miss cute shoes). I am not a lumberjack by choice, but by necessity.
I need to make an effort to treat myself like a girl more often. I need to make time after I'm done pulling weeds or unstopping toilets to soak in the tub and shave my legs even if nobody is going to see them. If I get a little extra money, rather than using it to buy mulch or paint, once in a while I need to go get a pedicure and get my toes painted a pretty pink. If I do this more often, will I feel like a ballerina who just happens to have to weatherproof the deck, or will I still feel like I belong more in steel toes than pumps? I dont' know, but it's worth a shot.
So as I sit here watching it snow, frigging horizontally for crap sake, knowing full well that I will have to go back out there before the day is over and try to undo what old man winter hath done, later I will take a nice long bath, shave my legs even though I know nobody will see them, put on some nice smelling lotion and make dinner for a man who I am very cautiously getting to know. Yes, my friends, I had a date last week that I didn't write about. I didn't write about it because it wasn't a disaster. See how that works? And hopefully I won't write about this one either.
Today's lunch: McDonald's Sugar Free Vanilla Iced Coffee...I had a big breakfast...like any self respecting lumberjack would.