Saturday, January 4, 2014

A Crappy Day

This morning I was getting ready to go get my hair cut and decided to run Roomba while I was gone.  If you're not familiar, Roomba (yes I capitalize it and talk about it as if it's a living thing) is a robotic vacuum cleaner.  ANYway, I picked it up and went to empty the bin from the last time it was run (3 or 4 days ago) and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

So let's back up.  The Pug is old.  And a few months ago poop started falling out of her butt.  I don't mean she's pooping in the house.  There is no circling, no hunching, none of that.  She'll just be walking along and "plop" poop falls out of her butt.

Pugs don't pay attention to signs.

I took her to the vet and was told that she's just old.  So, yaknow, shit hapens.  As long as she seems healthy and happy I should just enjoy her for as long as I have her and be thankful that 1) it's not pee and 2) the poop is hard and can be picked up with a tissue and easily disposed of.

Unless Roomba finds some fresh droppings.  

There are no words to describe the horror.

Fortunately Roomba has hepa filters, so it wasn't throughout the deep inner workings, but it was in all the nooks and crannies underneath.  And the tires.  Oh God the tires.  This thing has tires like a monster truck. And it's not like I can just submerge it in water.  

I took it apart as best I could and scrubbed.  And scrubbed.  And scrubbed.  And picked little square pieces of compressed crap out of tire treads with a screwdriver.

I wonder if this voids the warranty?

So the upside is that Roomba is cleaner now than the day I brought it home from the store.  The downside is that I may never again be able to pick it up to empty it without wanting to sterilize my hands.

But I can tell The Pug feels bad about the whole thing.  She's lucky she's so damn cute.

Screw you.  I'm old.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

The Obligatory New Year New Me Bullshit

Don't start.

One of the nice things about being a blogger, even an intermittent one like myself, is that it provides a looking glass into the past, where I can easily see where I was at various points in my life.  So here, on the first day of 2014, I'm looking back at the bitch of a year that was 2013.

This time last year I about to begin my second swing at The Ultimate Reset, a 21 day detox.  It includes recipes and supplements, starting out just clean eating and slowly transitioning into a vegan diet.

The good news is that, as I sit here today, I weigh five pounds less than I did 365 days ago.  The bad news is that I have lost and regained 20 lbs in that time.

Could have had something to do with this....yathink?

Looking back at my posts about the experience (and ridiculous amount of WORK) that is The Ultimate Reset, I remember the headaches, the cold, the endless trips to the bathroom, and missing my coffee and diet coke.  I do not miss drinking the green and brown goop, the high grocery bills, the scavenger hunt that was grocery shopping for exotic ingredients I would use ONCE, the complicated recipes or running the dishwasher every day, sometimes twice.  I do miss the feeling of accomplishment that came from setting goals and sticking with the plan, and the feeling of, I guess I'd call it "lightness" that comes with eating vegan.  So....with some fanfare....I dub this, the first month of 2014......

Dum dum DUMMMMMMM....


Hmmmm...should I rethink this?

Already I'm loving the difference between just eating vegan and being on The Reset.  After doing The Reset twice, I know which items are hard to find and which aren't (or just aren't worth it).  And I know which recipes I liked and which I didn't.  So I planned my first four days (Wednesday through Saturday) of menus based loosely on The Reset, just picking out the easier recipes and the ones I liked.  And I'm making double and having leftovers, something The Reset rarely did.  This should cut WAY BACK on shopping and cooking.

Also, I'm not cutting out coffee.

You're can take away my meat, eggs, and yogurt.  You can take away sour cream and replace milk and creamer with soy and almond substitutes.  You can take away my processed and prepared foods.  But coffee and, to a lesser extent, Diet Coke, are non-negotiable.

Another difference between previous times I've done The Ultimate Reset and this time just eating vegan, is that this time I can share recipes with you.  Lots of people asked me for the Reset recipes, but they're proprietary and copyrighted and all that legal mumbo-jumbo.  So, while some of my recipes may be INSPIRED by The Ultimate Reset (I do owe Beachbody a world of gratitude to introducing me to how good I feel when I eat vegan), this is not The Reset.  I still have several coach friends and would be happy to put you in touch with one if you want to go all-out and do 21 days of hardcore detox.

Today's Lunch....Big-Ass Salad with Yummy Garlic Dressing.

This is a metric crapton of work (the chopping and slicing and dicing and grating and HOMEMADE dressing for crying out loud) but it is SOOOO good that I made three of them today, and enough dressing for a bunch more.  Making food ahead and having leftovers is going to be the only way I can pull this off, so I'm preparing in bulk right out of the gate.

The salad itself is nothing too special, but the ingredients somehow come together into something awesome.

First, I start with this artisan lettuce.

No, it's not organic.  But it's good and it's cheap.  I LOVE this lettuce.  It seems to last longer than the bagged stuff and it's not that expensive.  However, I only got three salads out of the package.  Next week I'll need to buy two or three packages.

Wash it up really good in the salad spinner, I put 1/3 in a bowl for lunch, the other two thirds in Rubbermaid for salads for tomorrow and the day after.

To each salad I add shredded carrot, chopped cucumber, chopped bell pepper, sprouts, chopped tomato, chopped jicama, pine nuts and cashews.

But it's the dressing that makes it truly special.

In the blender combine:
1 cup olive oil
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1 tsp yellow mustard
8 cloves of garlic
2 tsp pink himalayan salt
A handfull of fresh parsley
2 tbsp agave nectar
6 tbsp lemon juice

Turn that sucker on and blend the bejeezus out of it.  Store in a bottle in the fridge.  Makes about 15 1-oz servings.

Don't forget to share carrots with the doggies.
 The pug does not share.  MY carrot!!!!

 I forgot what a mess eating healthy makes,
 The end result...a big bowl of YUM.

I have a spaghetti squash in the oven for dinner, and tomorrow's lunch.  The dishwasher is running for the second time today.  All is right with the world.

Happy New Year my friends!

Edit....I lasted a week.  Don't judge.