Saturday, January 4, 2014

A Crappy Day

This morning I was getting ready to go get my hair cut and decided to run Roomba while I was gone.  If you're not familiar, Roomba (yes I capitalize it and talk about it as if it's a living thing) is a robotic vacuum cleaner.  ANYway, I picked it up and went to empty the bin from the last time it was run (3 or 4 days ago) and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

So let's back up.  The Pug is old.  And a few months ago poop started falling out of her butt.  I don't mean she's pooping in the house.  There is no circling, no hunching, none of that.  She'll just be walking along and "plop" poop falls out of her butt.

Pugs don't pay attention to signs.

I took her to the vet and was told that she's just old.  So, yaknow, shit hapens.  As long as she seems healthy and happy I should just enjoy her for as long as I have her and be thankful that 1) it's not pee and 2) the poop is hard and can be picked up with a tissue and easily disposed of.

Unless Roomba finds some fresh droppings.  

There are no words to describe the horror.

Fortunately Roomba has hepa filters, so it wasn't throughout the deep inner workings, but it was in all the nooks and crannies underneath.  And the tires.  Oh God the tires.  This thing has tires like a monster truck. And it's not like I can just submerge it in water.  

I took it apart as best I could and scrubbed.  And scrubbed.  And scrubbed.  And picked little square pieces of compressed crap out of tire treads with a screwdriver.

I wonder if this voids the warranty?

So the upside is that Roomba is cleaner now than the day I brought it home from the store.  The downside is that I may never again be able to pick it up to empty it without wanting to sterilize my hands.

But I can tell The Pug feels bad about the whole thing.  She's lucky she's so damn cute.

Screw you.  I'm old.

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