Thursday, April 4, 2013

Dear Healthy Choice

Dear Healthy Choice,

As I find myself imprisoned in my kitchen working from home this week, I don't have the same array of choices for lunch as I enjoy when I get to actually venture out to a real office with real grown-ups, so Today I was forced to consume your Homestyle Salisbury Steak for lunch.

First, my congratulations on the staying-power of whatever chemicals create the flavors in the meat-like product which you call salisbury steak.  In spite of the thick layer of ice which enveloped this entire entree, it remained a passable approximation of ground and cooked animal flesh.  Bravo.

I do have one question.  Of the 320 calories this meal is reported to provide, how many of those calories should I subtract for the impressive amount of "gravy" and "dessert fruit topping" which remains in the container after the meal is consumed?  While I would imagine there is some sort of mantra in the diet food industry which probably equates to "dry is bad, add more juice", providing so little meat-like-substance and frozen potato bits that one could not consume all of the gravy if each solid bite were eaten with a ladel of liquid, and allowing the fruit dessert pieces (Apples?  I'm just spitballing here, you tell me) to float in such a pool of syrupy liquid that I imagine them flailing and yelling "Can't Swim!!!" in their little fruity voices....well it's just a cruel, cruel joke.

I mean I'm not a proud woman.  I have been known to lick the frosting off the cellophane film atop a Weight Watcher's dessert, and I regularly crunch the ice that comes with my iced coffee lest a little bit of creamy goodness be lost, but I draw the line just short of drinking gravy out of your microwavable plastic handy disposable cookware.  I do have my standards.

So I suppose I can only guess how many calories I actually consumed.  Let's estimate based on the enjoyment of the meal and say.....50.  Yeah, that feels about right.

Love, Me

Today's lunch...all but this.

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