Saturday, January 7, 2017


Triage: The process of sorting people based on their need for immediate medical treatment as compared to their chance of benefiting from such care, when limited medical resources must be allocated to maximize the number of survivors.

I've been feeling lousy and writing it off to stress. Pushing through. Doing what has to be done. That landed me in the ER yesterday.
I've been working too much. It's been nonstop. 14-15 hours a day during the week. "Only" 10-12 on the weekends and holidays.
My job is always high stress and somewhat demanding and I think that's why I like it. I'm rarely bored. But these are extraordinary times. We have a new system, piled on top of year end, piled on top of big changes in my department. I have a team at work, including my boss, who want to help but precious little I can delegate. It's nobody's fault, it's just how it is right now. The bottom line is that 3000 people rely on me to get their money into their bank accounts every two weeks and they don't care that I'm tired, that our system is new and a bit glitchy, that I'm only one person. Their landlords and power company don't have two fucks to rub together about my situation. That's the reality in Payroll.
Long story short-ish I left work yesterday feeling nauseated. On the way home I thought I was having a heart attack. Saw the ER sign and went. Turned out I was having the mother of all panic attacks. I've had a lot of them in my time, but this one was a doozie.
Sitting in the ER listening to a woman with an obviously miserable but not in danger kid bitch because the elderly woman with chest pains (not me) was taken in before they were, I thought "Lady, Triage. Look it up"
And then I realized, that's what I HAVE NOT been doing. I mean I triage my work tasks. I am good at putting the issues that aren't keeping people from getting their next check aside in favor of those that are. But I haven't been looking at my life as a whole and figuring out which issues are life threatening (rest, sleep, exercise, healthy food) and dealing with those first, second or really at all. And let's be honest, if I end up hospitalized or dead, the employees' rent isn't going to get paid. And their landlords are still not going to care.
I'd like to say I'm going to make myself a priority moving forward, but let's be real. None of us has the luxury of doing that all the time. But I'm definitely moving myself up on the list. What did I do with that list?
I'll find it right after this nap.