Sunday, August 26, 2012

Be Careful What You Wish For

When I was a kid I ate whatever Mom made for dinner.  Like it or not.  Mostly she was a pretty good cook but there were things she made that even I wouldn't eat today.  The Boy?  Forget it!  I remember the year Dad's garden produced a bumper crop of eggplant.  We had eggplant parmesan, fried eggplant, baked eggplant, we had eggplant in cake.  It was freaking everywhere and to this day I will not touch eggplant.

There was the "Salad Phase".  Dad was on a health kick and he mandated that salad shall be served for dinner several times a week.  Not being one for, yaknow, actually DOING stuff, Mom made a HUGE bowl of salad...every Monday.  Into this salad were such nutritional items as iceburg lettuce, tomatoes, shredded carrots, cucumbers, and cheese.  Not just any cheese, mind you.  Good ol' Kraft American Cheese, sliced and cut into cubes.  So she would make this huge bowl of salad on Monday and any time she didn't feel like cooking during the week, out came the big bowl.  I clearly remember eating salad for dinner on a Friday night, before going out with friends.  If you've never had the pleasure of consuming a four day old salad containing american cheese, I will tell you that the cheese liquifies.  It's not pleasant.  That salad was unceremoniously deposited, half digested, in the bowling alley parking lot that evening when I was out with friends.

Good times.

But there were things she made that I hated back then but I love today.  Stuffed green peppers are one.  I would beg her to let me eat only the stuffing and leave the pepper.  If she was in a good mood I could get away with this.  More often, not.  Back then I would have wished for the day I would never have to see stuffed pepers again.  But now I LOVE them.  Same with salads, but of course I eat them fresh.

I remember when I was first married, The Ex would go hunting or a week.  I remember dreading that week as it approached, and being so sad and lonely while he was gone.  And I remember when The Man first moved out, I thought rattling around in this empty house during The Boy's summer weeks with his dad would drive me right out of my head.  But as I come to the end today of the second summer where I have been truly alone during those four weeks when he's with his dad, I miss him for sure but the empty house hasn't bothered me.  I was talking to a friend last night who said that he hates to be alone because the silence gets to him.  I suppose I have an advantage in a pug that snores and a cavachon who still thinks he's a puppy as he approaches the ripe old age of three.  I always have someone to talk to (no, I do not believe they talk back) and as I sit here listening to the pug snore I appreciate the silences between her breaths.  I'll be glad when The Boy comes home today, but I can appreciate the time alone now like I never could.

I used to have a Weight Watchers group leader who told the story of how she used to have subscriptions to several magazines and she never had time to read them, so they just piled up.  Her husband asked her one day why she was collecting all of these magazines and she told him "I'm hoping some day I will contract a debilitating illness which will force me to lay in bed all day and read magazines".  Then she had a stroke, and she had to do just that for several months.

Today I can't help but think back to the time when I wanted nothing more than time to sit down and put my feet up.  I remember it as though it was last week.  Because it was.  When The Boy isn't here it's not unusual for my TV to stay off and my living room to be uninhabited from Sunday evening 'till Friday night.  I just don't have time.  A typical day has me up at 7:30 (yeah, I know, I'm a slacker), at work by 8:30 (ok...sometimes 8:32), home around 5:30.  Make dinner, work out, then back in front of the computer at the kitchen table to work until bedtime.

Yesterday, being Saturday, I slept later than I should have.  Worked out, showered and headed to the office for a few hours.  Came home, made a big salad for dinner.  But then I did indulge in a few hours of TV.  I'm addicted to Love it or List It on HGTV and I have quite the backup on DVR. I had lots to do around the house but since I didn't plan to work today I figured I could procrastinate last night and then hit the housework hard this morning.

As I headed up to bed I noticed some pain in my left ankle.  I have mild arthritis in my feet, ankles & knees and figured this was just stiffening from sitting too long.  I have come to expect the first few steps after sitting for an hour, and the first 5 minutes or so in the morning to bring some stiffness, but it passes.  I went to bed without a care in the world.

This morning I can barely walk.  The only way I can bear weight on my left foot is to put it all in my heel.  Any time I try to put weight in the ball of my foot or toes I have a stabbing pain from the outside of my ankle to my toes.  It feels very similar to when I cracked a bone in my ankle years ago.

I am not pleased.

So I sit here with my feet up.  Ice on for 20 minutes, then ice off for 20 minutes.  I am not able to resign myself to a complete day of rest.  Today's workout is Hard Core Abs, which I can do no problem.  But I'm also supposed to walk for 40 minutes and that's just not happening.  I have laundry to do. Gathering it up and dragging it all downstairs was pretty painful but now that it's all down here I think I'm ok.  I'm meeting a friend for dinner at 5 so there will be time on my feet to get ready for that.  But all in all once I take the walking and most of the housework out of my day I will be able to follow the orders of my former EMT cousin to keep it up and ice it.

But mostly I'm frustrated about my workout.  I re-started Les Mills Pump on 8/1 after quitting when I was working so 60 hours a week.  I've been doing really well and staying on schedule.  If I have some sort of miraculous recovery I can make up the walk tomorrow...but it sure doesn't feel right now like that's going to happen.

So I just need to think back to when all I wanted to do was put my feet up and try to enjoy it.  Easier said than done.  Be careful what you wish for.

Today's lunch:  AB&AF.  Healthy version of PB&J.  Almond butter & blueberry all fruit on whole wheat bread.

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