Legos

I’ve started this so many times.

I’ve written that sentence so many times.  Then hit file>close>don’t save.   Then I go back to work.  Doesn’t matter if it’s 10:29 on a Saturday morning, or 8:30 on a Thursday night.  

I want to write, I have so much in my head, but it’s so hard to sort.  It’s like dumping a giant bucket of Legos out on the floor, really WANTING to build something, but the steps between dumping the bucket and having anything resembling…well anything…it's just too much. 

But it IS 10:29 on a Saturday morning.  And instead of file>close>don’t save, I’m closing Outlook instead.  Because maybe building something, instead of putting out fires for a change, will help.  And if nothing else it will leave me a snapshot of 10:29 Saturday morning.  

It’s been a month since I’ve seen the inside of my office.  I see my coworkers via Zoom every Monday morning, and next week I’ll start going to the office for a couple of hours every Monday.  Alone.  We’re all taking turns.  That will be kind of weird.

But it'll be two hours during which I don't have to say "Rue, shut up".  So that's something to look forward to.

I love working from home.  I thought I might get cabin fever, but I’m not.  At all.  I might be one of those people who is cut out for working from home full time.  Going back to the office will not be, for me, the cause for celebration that it will be for many others.  I know that's what so many people are looking forward to.  It’s the light at the end of their  tunnel.  I'm not really dreading it but I'm definitely not looking forward to it.  

The lights at the end of my tunnel are hugs from my son, dinner and drinks (lots of drinks) with my friends, the ability to by fucking Clorox wipes online.

It’s the little things.

Yesterday I ordered a gallon of hand sanitizer. It won’t be available for two months.  And I’ll have to drive about 40 minutes to get it. 

I’ve discovered that Xanax can reduce the urge to sanitize the entire house for the tenth time in a day. 

This is the world now.

But here’s what I want to say today, if nothing else:  Please.  For fuck sake.  Be nice to each other.  Not everyone is going to do life the same way you will right now. 

Some of us are anxious as fuck, don’t make fun of us.  Some of us still think this isn’t that big of a deal, don’t burst our bubbles. 

Some of us are getting takeout, don’t criticize us.  Some of us are cooking at home, maybe leave us some goddamned ingredients at the store instead of buying them all. 

Some of us are sleeping all day to pass the time, don’t look down on us.  Some of us can’t sleep, so cut our tired asses some slack. 

Some of us won't get dressed today, don't laugh at our Stewey pajamas while we're getting the mail. Some of us will do our nails.  Complement us when we post pictures.  

This virus is not being nice to human beings.  So human beings should maybe be extra nice to each other for a change.  Can we please just fucking do that?  For a little while? 

Am I perfect at following my own advice here? No.  But I’m trying.  The number of times a day I remind myself I’m not the idiot whisperer, the number of times I backspace over a snarky comment, those numbers multiply faster than confirmed cases.  I keep reminding myself it’s not my job to tell people how to live. It’s just my job to get myself through this.  And I feel like if we could all just try to be a little kinder to each other, this might not suck so much.  

There are still so many Legos left, but that'll have to do for now.    

Rue, shut the fuck up.