Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Effing Ow.

I have Tennis Elbow.  If you know me at all you have to know that just the name of this condition, when it was first diagnosed, made me laugh.  Tennis Elbow?  Me?  I'd more likely develop, I don't know, Time Travel Toe. 

Muffintop?  Sure.  Couch ass?  Absolutely.  But Tennis Elbow?

Well it turns out that Tennis Elbow is the non-medical term for Tendonitis in the elbow.  And I'm here to tell you my friends that this condition sucks ass.

In my case a more accurate title would be Typer's Elbow.  I bowl, and it hurts like a sonofabitch, but my left elbow hurts as bad as the right which tells me that it is my occupation (and, oh yeah, this little hobby) which is causing this problem.  I could, theoretically, stop writing recreationally, but I have a good 15 to 20 years of typing ahead of me, if I'm lucky.  So what to do?

I went to the doctor and asked him, basically, What the Fuck, man?  I mean why now?  And why so suddenly?  It went from 0 to 9 on the pain scale inside of a month and I've been typing for a living for roughly 25 years.  He said, get ready for the brilliant medical opinion, "These things happen when we get older"


So he gave me a couple of shots in my elbows, which is EXACTLY as much fun as it sounds, and sent me on my merry way.  And it was GREAT....for two months.  At three months I went back for more shots, and it was GREAT.....for roughly six weeks. 

I've done a lot of reading online (because that's where all the really reliable medical information is kept, right?) and it does seem like this just...happens.  Why didn't anyone tell me about this before?  Is it really acceptable that pains just POP is shit going to start falling off?  Can we start with my elbows?

If you've never experienced the comedy of Louis CK, check out this clip on turning 40.  If you're not there yet, get ready....this is actually how it is. 

Anyway I've been obsessing over this for a while, first of all because the pain itself never really lets me forget, but also I'm starting to fear for my ability to make a living.   I've had to develop a "work around" for putting my seatbelt on for crap sake.  I wear a brace on each arm when I work and when I bowl.  This is chronic, debilitating pain.  And I'm only 45!!!  And, here's the kicker, it's not caused by my weight.  It's not like I'm doing push ups every day ( likely as going back and visiting the soda fountain with Marty McFly).  This just....happened.  And I seriously don't know what to do, but something has to give because I can't live another 15 to 20 years like this.

I've asked my doctor to prescribe this new wonder-drug I've recently heard about (why do I have to hear this stuff through the grapevine?  Why didn't the doc say something??).  Crossing my fingers that it works....wait...crossing my fingers hurts.  Fortunately I can still flip the bird with little difficulty.

Today's lunch:  Braunschweiger again.  Don't make that face.  It's good.

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