Thursday, January 26, 2012

Advenures in Cyberdating

So....I went ahead and signed up for eHarmony.  Come on you knew I would.  And when everyone on there turned out to be an hour away from my house (or not interested in me) I signed up for for good measure. 

The difference betwen Match and eHarmony, for those of you who are fortunate enough to never have had to pimp yourself out in this way, is that eHarmony sends you matches each day, where lets you go out and pick the people who will reject you.

One thing that is depressing but interesting (in a sick, self-abusing sort of way) is that both systems allow you to see "Who has viewed your profile...."  The rest of that sentence, which they don't need to add is "....and decided you are not worthy of their time"

I am finding a common thread between the two sites....the guy who says he's "Looking for a best friend" only wants to find her if she's a supermodel.  And it doesn't matter if he looks like Brad Pitt or Babe Ruth, very VERY few guys include "A few extra pounds" in the list of body types they are searching for.

Now this is not to say there are NO guys out there who claim to be willing to accept a woman of above average girth.  There are some, and they fit into the following categories:

  • Under 5'3" (I'm 5'9)
  • Over 300 lbs (I want someone who's going to live through next week thanks)
  • Unwilling to put something on over their undershirt, brush their hair or clean the toothpaste off the bathroom mirror for their profile picture. 
  • Smoke
  • Look like they may have cropped the prisoner ID number out of the bottom of the picture.
Am I too picky? I mean yes I am currently overweight, but I've lost 30 lbs in the last year and a half, it's coming off slowly but it's coming off, and I consider myself to be healthy since I work out five times a week and haven't died yet.  My plan is to live at least another 25 or 30 years and I'd prefer not to spend it as nursemaid to a morbidly obese, short, chain smoker with a collection of stained hanes v-necks.  Yep, I like to shoot for the stars.

I am exchanging very tentative emails with one gentleman who appears to be neither insane nor living in his mother's basement, but he doesn't seem to be very interested.  It's all very surfacey.  I think the warden is screening his email and taking out anything of any significance. 

So I'm six days into my one month membership on eHarmony and one day into Match. I'm giving both sites a month and if that doesn't work, well, I guess I'll just have to either lose 30 pounds or  post a picture of myself from 20 years ago.  Honesty schmonesty.

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