Today is the first day in seriously weeks that I haven't had to go somewhere at lunchtime. I hate the holidays. Bah humbug and all that. And yesterday was The Boy's birthday which, for me, marks the official end of MY holiday season. Alas there is still Year End hoo-hah to be dealt with at The Day Job but there is a dim, flickering light at the end of the tunnel and I am running full out towards it.
Hard to believe that amidst all of the chaos that is my life at the momemt I have time to have a singular thought stuck in my head but 'tis true. To date or not to date...that is the question.
Yeah I know, I said I was going to wait. No need to go and quote me. But the fact is I'm bored and a tad lonely. Terrifeid of putting myself out there and certain that any man I look at will immediately vomit lies all over me, then possibly cut me up in little pieces and feed me to his pet lizzard, but bored and lonely nonetheless.
I was so bored one evening last weekend (the weekends are the worst) that I actually answered the three thousand six hundred and forty eight (roughly) questions on the eHarmony website. And it matched me with seven gentlemen (I use this term optimistically). Since I'm not a paying member it doesn't give me photos or an opportunity to actually converse with these individuals but they seem to be...well...not complete losers which is a real breath of fresh air. They all have good jobs and unless they had someone else do their profiles for them they all appear to be reasonably literate. Yes, the bar is THAT low.
I used Match.com years ago, which is where I met The Man. I try not to hold the outcome of that experience against them since we did have a few good years. But as I recall the quality of men on that site was sort of low and I had a lot of 'winks' from people who seemed to be living in their mother's basements. But it's far more expensive to be on eHarmony than Match so my hope is that not only am I weeding out the unemployed or underemployed yet potentially loveable losers but I'm also weeding out those looking for a bootie call because, seriously, there have to be easier ways to get laid than to fill out that exhaustive questionnaire.
So yeah I looked at the portions of their profiles that I was allowed to see. The Police Officer, the Accountant, the I don't remember what else. Men in their late 40's or early 50's whose children are grown. Their interests are similar to mine. Their values are similar ot mine. WELL unless they're lying. Truthfully they're all probably inmates.
Maybe I don't have the right mindset for this yet? Hmm....
I've discussed this with a few friends and all are supportive. Go for it! You deserve to be happy! I have to wonder exactly what about my relationship history leads them to believe that this could lead to happiness....I can only conclude that my friends are really not paying attention to anything I say to them.
One suggests I take it very slow and "Who says you have to date just one? Date them ALL! You deserve some wining and dining!". Wow really? I have never in my LIFE dated more than one man. And there was neither wining nor dining in my past two relationships. I'm not sure I'm wired that way. But it does sound nice. Not necessarily wining and dining (though a bit of that would be nice) but just someone to do things with on the weekends. Could I keep from diving in head first? And should I even be consdiering this if I'm not willing to dive in head first?
Oh this is all so complicated.
But if I remain alone, don't I let the terrorists win? And by terrorists I mean lying jerks.
So I'm not sure. I'm turning it over and over and over in my head like a Rubik's cube, wishing I could just peel off the stickers and reattach them where I need them to be. Maybe then I could fast forward six months and see how it would all turn out.
But then I'd miss all the fun....sigh...
Todays' lunch...Progresso reduced sodium chicken noodle soup, into which I dumped a generous amount of salt. Soup is SUPPSED to be salty darnit!!!